Thanksgiving Ax Murder in San Antonio

Those family holiday get-togethers can be murder. In the case of one upstanding San Antonio family, Thanksgiving may never be the same after 19 year old Marshall Lee Giles gave his father forty whacks for the holiday. Here's the SAEN description:

The elder Giles, 41, was on a couch, moaning and bleeding from several large cuts on his head when officers got to his house in the 1900 block of East Crocket Street, according to a police report. His left eye was hanging from the socket, the report said.

Think about that next time you complain about your loud-mouthed relatives at holiday time. Anyway, as the charges were read to Mr. Giles, he reported started to laugh. Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/Charge-upgraded-to-murder-in-ax-attack-4068665.php#ixzz2Ey9sXntL

Being Stupid is Dangerous -- Dead Moron's Family Blames Others

From the SAEN:

"Robert Esquivel was a fun-loving guy who had a habit of staying up late and falling asleep in unusual places, especially after drinking, his family said."

Oh, where to begin. Robert Esquivel spent the night Saturday drinking heavily, after which he found his way onto an unlit county road in the early morning hours where he passed out in the middle of the road. (Unusual places, indeed.) It was foggy. He was wearing black. One driver passed him and called 911 and EMTs were dispatched. Hmm. "What could possibly go wrong?" you may be asking. Well, to start with the driver who reported the moron, Robert Esquivel, wasn't very specific about his location on the dark and winding road. In fact the caller was wrong, placing him half a mile further up the road. The caller also reported that he was on the "side of the road," rather than in the middle where he actually was. What happened is simple and not much of a surprise, really. The idiot got run over and killed. The next part isn't really much of a surprise either. His family is blaming everyone but the dearly departed dipshit. Getting blind-drunk and passing out in all kinds of stupid places was apparently a habit with Mr. Esquivel. This according to his mentally challenged sister, Maria Salas:

“He was always knocking on doors at 5, 6 in the morning and asking, 'What are y'all doing?'” Salas said. “He was just crazy. He would fall asleep anywhere — on top of my table, on my kitchen floor. I would find him sleeping outside. He was the crazy one.”

Well, "the crazy one" is dead and the sister is laying blame. But not with her brother. Oh, no. That would never do. Instead, she had decided the fault lies with the EMS workers who were out looking for his stupid ass and had the misfortune of finding him passed out in the middle of the road. Here's her flawless reasoning:

“He was always knocking on doors at 5, 6 in the morning and asking, 'What are y'all doing?'” Salas said. “He was just crazy. He would fall asleep anywhere — on top of my table, on my kitchen floor. I would find him sleeping outside. He was the crazy one.”

So, asshat is wearing black in pitch dark while passed out in the middle of a winding county road where anyone could have come along and run his useless ass over, but it's not his fault somehow. Right. Waiting for the lawsuit... Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/Family-blaming-rescuers-in-man-s-death-4113716.php#ixzz2Exyx8ifR

Brothers in Machete Fight Over Drugs ***UPDATE***

Another classic San Antonio style crime, for sure: Two brothers, some missing crack or meth, and one ends up with life threatening injuries due to a machete attack by the other. These West siders aren't kids, either. The attacker is in his 40s and the brother who got the chop chop is in his 30s. I guess nobody will be surprised to learn this San Antonio stupidity went down on the West side, unless, of course, they first assumed it went down on the other bad side of town: the South side or the East side or most of the North side. No names have been released yet. It remains to be seen if the shallow end of the gene pool is going to lose a resident yet. We'll update. UPDATE:

A man is in stable condition after his brother allegedly attacked him with a machete over the weekend. Phillip Caballero, 38, was treated at University Hospital for his wounds. David Caballero, 41, is being held at the Bexar County jail and will face charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and severe bodily injury to a family member. His bond is set at $80,000.

Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/Brother-survives-machete-attack-3691645.php#ixzz2EyE18Ktm

Texans Try to Answer Simple Questions About the World: FAIL

Man Runs into Traffic Chased by "Gorilla"

Apparently, suicidal, a twenty-five year old patron of the Coco Bongo nightclub in San Antonio, told the gorilla suited mascot of the bar he wanted to kill himself before dashing into freeway traffic. The guy in the gorilla suit gave chase as the horrified customers of the nearby Hooters restaurant looked on watching several motorists swerve to avoid hitting the man being pursued by the fake gorilla. The man was eventually hit by a white Infinity and was taken to University Hospital with minor injuries. Bongo, the gorilla was uninjured. BTW, it was "Throw Down Thursday" at the Coco Bongo.

Barbeque Brawl Leads to Murder

Twenty year-old Darrius Goodwin shot and killed his 41 year-old father Daniel Goodwin Thursday at an apartment complex in San Antonio. What sparked the deadly brawl at the barbeque is unknown. Could it have been a debate over the relative merits of ribs vs. brisket? (Ribs are better, btw.) One thing about the victim in this case: he raised a winner. 

Dumb and Run Over in San Antonio

This could get repetitive as this happens pretty much weekly in San Antonio. First of all virtually none of the residents of San Antonio can be bothered to use a crosswalk. They just stroll right out into 5 lanes of traffic. Then when someone actually hits them almost every single time the asshole just keeps driving, as if it's just too much of an inconvenience to try to render aid to the person they just mowed down. Actually, the explanation  in many of these cases is that the person is hammered and doesn't want to get caught. Anyway, this is a fine San Antonio tradition which This writer doesn't see ending any time soon. Here's the Express News report of this most recent incident for your enjoyment:

Just before midnight Thursday, Ronald Middleton was crossing the street with a cane in one hand and a stereo in the other when he was hit by a car.

Middleton, 58, was walking back from HEB, according to a police report, and was crossing Lord Road near the intersection of South W.W. White Road when he was hit by the car that did not stop at the scene.

Middleton suffered “serious bodily injuries” and was taken to University Hospital, where he remained in stable condition Friday afternoon.

Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/Pedestrian-seriously-injured-in-hit-and-run-3516295.php#ixzz1tHHOAOpP

Another San Antonio Classic: Shootout at the Taco Bell

From San Antonio Express News, March 21, 2011

The price of the Beefy Crunch Burrito had gone up from 99 cents to $1.49 and the man at the Rigsby Road Taco Bell drive-thru had just ordered seven. The fast food customer was so disgruntled by the price hike he shot an air gun at the manager, displayed an assault rifle and pistol while in the restaurant's parking lot, fled as police were called, and pointed one of his weapons at three officers who pulled him over. Fleeing when they opened fire, he barricaded himself in his hotel room — all over $3.50 plus additional tax. All three of his weapons were found to be air-powered and not firearms. The final incident in the burrito-triggered spree happened Sunday afternoon at the Rodeway Inn on North W.W. White Road, engaging SWAT negotiators in a more than three-hour standoff, according to officials and witnesses. Ricardo Jones, 37, was charged with two felony counts of aggravated assault against a public servant. Jones was in the Bexar County Jail on bail totaling $50,000. No one was injured in the incident. Jones was taken into custody about 6:45 p.m. Sunday after officials used tear gas to get him out of the motel room where he was staying. Police recovered the rifle and two handguns, Benavides said. It all began about four hours earlier when the man put in his order at the Taco Bell/KFC two-for-one restaurant in the 5300 block of Rigsby Road on the city's East Side. Restaurant manager Brian Tillerson, 41, said his employees told him a customer was upset about the price of the Beefy Crunch Burrito. “They did use to be 99 cents, but that was just a promotion,” Tillerson said. “He pointed a gun at me, and he fired it. I leaned to the side and there was a pop but nothing happened.” Tillerson said the police later found a BB, but the following five minutes “were pretty crazy,” he said. Looking out the windows, he said he saw the man put an assault rifle and a handgun on the roof of his Mitsubishi Endeavor. Customers dove under their tables, the employees scrambled to the back and Tillerson ran to the front to lock the doors as he called police. The man then jumped into his vehicle and took off, Tillerson said. Fewer than two miles away, at W.W. White Road and Hershey Drive, officers spotted the suspect and two patrol units pulled over the car, Benavides said. As the officers got out of their cars, the man got out of his car carrying the assault rifle in his hands and pointing it at the officers. Police initially reported Jones exchanged fire with the officers. But on Monday, an SAPD spokesman said investigators could not be sure about that because his rifle was also a BB gun and they could find no spent BBs. It was unclear who shot out the windshield of a police patrol car during the shooting. From there, the man sped off to the Rodeway Inn in the 200 block of North W.W. White Road just a few blocks away from Interstate 10. It was about 3 p.m., and the man refused to come out. Sharpshooters climbed up on the roof of the Sky Line Food Mart next to the motel. Police blocked off W.W. White in both directions. They evacuated some nearby businesses and some of the rooms in the motel. Through a megaphone the negotiator could be heard telling the man to pick up the phone. “No one needs to get hurt,” the negotiator said. Around 6:30 p.m., and without a reply from the man inside, SWAT used tear gas to clear the room, Benavides said. The man came out without incident. Tillerson, calm and back at work after giving a statement to police, said after hearing that the customer shot at officers he was even more relieved he didn't get into his restaurant. “The weird thing is,” Tillerson said, “He was here a week ago around the same time last Sunday. He yelled at me then too.” Read more: http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/local_news/article/The-Beefy-Crunch-Burrito-incident-1226571.php#ixzz1pZOaj9OM

San Antonio Classic: Night of the Nacho Knife Fight

San Antonio Express-News ^ | 01/06/2010 | By Eva Ruth Moravec - Express-News
Posted on Wed Jan 06 2010 12:31:07 GMT-0600 (CST) by Responsibility2nd

A fight over nachos caused San Antonio police to arrest two men at their South Side apartment late Tuesday night.

Marty Henke, 35, and Randy Scott Esckilsen, 45, are both being held in Bexar County Jail. Henke was arrested on an outstanding warrant for delivery of a controlled substance; his bond is set at $30,000.

Esckilsen faces one count of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and is being held on $75,000 bond after he allegedly stabbed Henke, his roommate, in the chin.

A San Antonio Police Department incident report states Henke was treated for the cut at his apartment, located in the 100 block of Lorita Street, at about 10 p.m.

The report states a witness brought Henke nachos, but he said he didn't want them, so the witness gave them to Esckilsen. Soon afterwards, Henke said he wanted the nachos and asked the witness for them. The two men then began to argue, and Esckilsen is accused of pulling out a knife, police said.

A struggle ensued, and Henke was cut on the chin. He called 911 and Esckilsen left the apartment; officers found him nearby and arrested him shortly after, but police said he didn't have the knife.

Police then learned Henke had an outstanding warrant and arrested him.

Yes, it's an oldy, but since it's disappeared from the San Antonio Express News site we've decided such a lovely bit of absurdity should be enshrined here for everyone to enjoy.